Esther
My name is Esther and I’m currently an entrepreneur.
In my day job, I run my tutoring business where I teach English and Humanities.
Outside of work, I do mentorship programmes with Merdeka Collective while also being involved in cultural awareness programmes such as The Young SEAkers and Unlocking ADHD events.
These are passion projects that matter a lot to me where even though they might not necessarily make me money they gave me the chance to explore new ideas and to talk to new people.
Starting my business and getting diagnosed
For me, I did not take any business-related degree back when I was in university, but I did some teaching here and there.
My love for teaching actually started back in JC where I helped my peers. I always saw myself going down the ‘typical’ route of being a government-registered teacher but it didn’t exactly work out the way I wanted. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed teaching and was determined to find a way to teach no matter what which was why I started my own tutoring business.
I used to teach in school as a substitute teacher and would remark that my students are really noisy, running around and not paying attention in class. My other educator noticed that I’m exactly like them. A very noisy, cannot sit down and cannot keep quiet kind of person, people didn’t really put a name to it because I was still relatively functional and I covered it pretty well.
So that led me to look into an explanation for this and I stumbled across Moon (Moonlake from Unlocking ADHD) and her studies. There was a 7-month gap between the study and my diagnosis.
“After getting diagnosed, I was like, okay, I’m not crazy and that’s great. I was diagnosed with autism as well. It’s like I’m like a chaotic mess yet organized in certain areas.”
I have a story to share where I cannot go to sleep without knowing my Nespresso pods are arranged perfectly in the same line with the same colour or when I buy new shampoos, it must be aligned with all the old ones.
Everything has a structure and shape to it. If it’s in a square then it must be in the square. If I eat a piece of bread, I must eat the crust first before the rest of the bread.
Coming to terms with my diagnosis
I had to find a way to cope. It takes most people 2 hours to get through a piece of reading, but it takes me 6 hours because I know the first 3 hours will be trying to focus.
I think the time I knew that this was becoming a problem was when I was in university. I didn't realize I was having so much trouble reading, even though I understood what was taught during class. My writings were not great, but I enjoyed doing them. I loved doing the research, but I just found it so difficult to get through the reading. It was like words were literally flying out of the page at me.
As an English literature student, it was really difficult because if I couldn't get through the first reading, I couldn't get through the next readings. I cried a lot during my undergraduate years. I kept thinking that I'm absolutely stupid because I didn't understand certain things or couldn't do certain tasks, and yet I didn't know what was happening to me. I had no answers for this because I knew I was capable of other things.
Getting diagnosed helped me understand that we can be good at certain things as well. It provided some clarity and helped me realize that I have strengths in other areas.
Women and ADHD
“I realized that being an adult woman with ADHD, people perceive it as unreal. People think because you’re a woman, ADHD doesn’t exist, because you’re an adult, you’re supposed to outgrow it.”
If there’s a problem then that’s too bad, you’re either an irresponsible person or just not doing enough. Because you’re an adult and a woman, you’re expected to do certain things society expects you to do. I think that there’s no space in society for a woman to have this conversation.
How people view my diagnosis
I expected my symptoms to be hereditary but after my diagnosis, I learned that heredity played a bigger role than I expected. Knowing my diagnosis validated what I expected, but when I brought it up to my family, I got shut down immediately.
I think they felt very insulted. I tried my best to explain it, but to them, they felt that they must have been a bad family because they felt like I insulted them. To have unsupportive people adds confusion to an already confused me because they can’t just understand.
They live with all the weird things I do like making chicken noises at midnight, sounds like what crazy children will do but I used to do that. And it left them irritated or amused even though they still tolerated it in the end.
Others need to understand why this is why I cannot do certain things and why I think differently from others. However, others might not accept it because they think ADHD is not an explanation. I think people have a stereotypical view of how ADHD will look but if it doesn’t look that way then it’s not.
My friends, on the other hand, found my diagnosis to be amusing. They thought I knew all this time.
Dealing with students at work
I understand that some students need to do things in a certain way or they won’t learn. If my students want to sit on the floor and study, then I’m ok with it as long as they finish their work.
In my classes, I have a few neurodivergent students, students who have to deal with different issues. Each time I’m faced with such challenges, I have to research on how to better suit my student’s needs. I will engage with their parents, seek their input on the student’s situation and see if there’s anything that I can do to help make the students learn better.
There are times when it gets frustrating, especially when they don’t learn at the speed I want. And that’s where I have to take a step back and see what is the best course of action. If she only uses the chat function, great! If he can only pay attention for 30 minutes, we will have to work within that 30 mins instead of a one-and-a-half-hour lesson.
You’ll have to learn and adapt along the way. Even though it can be draining sometimes, I feel that it is worth the effort because I really care for my students.
My childhood and aspirations
“I was surrounded by a lot of people and grew up in a church with a wonderful church community and family. They accepted me for who I am regardless of those crazy or weird quirks of mine, they knew how to work with what I was good at.”
They saw that I was good with people and they gave me roles that utilizes my strong points. Like organizing or moving things as they knew I had to be on the move. They trusted me with things even though I might not have trusted myself.
I love music as well and even though I never got to study it professionally until later on in life, I loved singing and enjoy singing bible songs in church. Yeah, that was my childhood, I’ve spent it with many good, caring and wonderful people, people who gave me guidance and never judged me for being weird.
“I knew from a young age that whatever I did, I cannot be tied to a desk which is weird now because sometimes I’m tied to my desk for 15 hours. Another thing is that I need to be able to talk. Maybe it’s ADHD or autism related, but I feel that I can only think when I’m talking.”
When I’m talking, I must hear what I and the other person are saying, and that is why I love interviews as well because the best part about interviews is that I get to talk to people. I love presentations too, anything that involves me talking.
That was how I studied for O and A levels, by teaching my friends because that’s when I can hear myself verbalize which helps me remember the concepts. When I do my essays, I learn by writing but rather by talking about my plan for the essay where I would talk to my teachers for hours.
I love my church life a lot but school was a lot harder for me as I got bullied a lot. I got my foot in many things, I was in student council and that really occupied me a lot, I always told people that I cannot do one thing at a time or else I’ll get bored, I have to do 5 things and they must be done together for it to be done properly.
Secondary school was tough, I was bullied because I was different. I liked to study but the school I came from didn’t have a study culture, so I was perceived as a teacher’s pet on top of being annoying. I didn’t have a place to go because I didn’t fit in.
Overcoming challenges
“I cried and locked myself in the room when I was bullied. It took a long time for me to heal and only did when I was in university. My faith helped me, I’m a Christian and my belief in God gave me a purpose, but also to give others a sense of purpose.”
In the field I’m in, I believe that there is a way that we can make a difference in the lives of people. Different people have different callings in life depending on what they are good at. Knowing that helps me believe that there’s something more in life than gloominess or sadness.
The pandemic has been especially difficult because I had to deal with a lot of family issues, job problems and the passing of my pastor who was an influential figure and mentor in my life. Everything was happening all at the same time and it felt like the whole world was turned upside down.
The escapism method would be throwing myself into my work and not thinking about anyone or anything. Of course, it isn’t a healthy way of coping so I feel that the ability to talk it out, pray, reflect and write down my thoughts helps especially.
My Strengths
I would say one of my strengths is that I have the capabilities to store a million things in my head all at the same time. In life, we have to deal with many things, it feels like a carousel where the task is like the horse and it’s always spinning in my head, always on my mind. So another strength would be that I remember everything in that carousel.
“And when the dots are connected, everything seems to fit into place. I would take information from my surroundings and the needs of others and build a system in my head to find a solution to solve problems.”
Common misconceptions and myths
“I think people generally perceive people with ADHD and autism as people who are unintelligent, slow and incomprehensible. In reality, they are actually incredibly intelligent.”
Some might think that they might have learning difficulties but it’s not a difficulty, they learn things a little differently from others. They understand and catch things really quickly, we just have to communicate with them correctly.
Knowing how to communicate with them well in any form of relationship, romantic, platonic or professional is important. Because people with ADHD think a little differently, sometimes we don’t understand what other people are saying.
Building an inclusive society
It takes a combination of both parties to be more accommodating towards one another. We need to be more open and see things from a different perspective. I feel that when people see the word neurodivergent, they think that the person is very problematic and hard to live with.
I understand that the working world does not revolve around that and I believe that organizations should be more open and understanding towards all people.
“There are skills at which neurodivergent people might be very good at but more often than not, those potentials are not realised due to bullying or being constrained in a fixed protocol. I think if we are a little more inclusive, it will make a difference.”
My hope would be for organizations to learn how to communicate better with neurodivergent people where if we train companies and their staff to better understand others, it will make a big difference to the world.
